Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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