It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
