yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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