If that was your dad, he is hot
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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