this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
