you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
