I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
one might say we're banned from that church
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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