I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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