She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
