he told me I talked like a deaf person
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
