I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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