so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
