Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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