not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
