Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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