I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
