so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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