I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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