goodnight i made you a song goodbye
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
