Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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