I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
