Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize