hotel room ftw
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
