i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
