Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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