Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's always time for handjobs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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