I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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