No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
