I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
