Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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