I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
