WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
this is an emotional support booty call
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
