she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
youre lurking in front of me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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