and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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