at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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