Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
