I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
