Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
