i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
