just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize