And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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