you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
