I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
