I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My life is pants optional.
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