Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
