Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
