hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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