Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
