i think my tv is drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
