I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
