she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
