how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
