Ambien. No doubt about it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
