So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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