Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
