Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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