I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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