4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
