whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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