the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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