My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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