They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
